Life tells us that the longer we love someone, the more we find out that we're indeed really lucky if we get even a little of it in return. It would be wrong to expect anything in return, but it goes without saying that nearly all of us do expect love in return, even if it's foolish to. But having said that, it's bittersweet. There's something about waiting for that someone to develop feelings for you, building it up, and the effort it takes. It is painful when there seems to be no sign of it ever developing, and we do give up hope after a while; but waiting sure is beautiful.
But when you love each other, that's just the first step. You'll need to get to know each other in the light of this new emotion, and do everything you did as friends all over again and learn more about each other's lives, try to fit in, change yourself for him/her.. it's a process and it's not for the fainthearted. You will realize (rather painfully, at times) that things that you like most about yourself just don't fit in or wouldn't keep you happy for very long. But if you listen to those people who say you should wait for someone to come along and love you for what you are, you're most likely to end up alone. Change yourself, and try on your new shoes. If it fits, wear it; if it doesn't, well, grin and bear it. Make an effort. Sacrifice. Not enough has been said about the importance of the latter in any lasting relationship, and its importance needs to be stressed every time this topic is discussed. Sacrifice; show that you care. Show that you can look beyond your ego and try to fix things even if it's not your fault. Give yourself up. Submit. Compromise: nobody likes to have a stubborn brute around them all day.
Now, that was step two.
Step three: give it time. With time, the initial euphoria fades away and you're left with the realization that you need to get serious and responsible. You will feel the need to get honest, and you will shed the earlier apprehension about expressing yourself. You will start to hear more abuses, there will be more fights, more tears, and more tantrums than when you started out. You will learn that a lot of things that you fell for were actually only to impress you. The two of you will fall out a lot of times, and you'll seem to be headed for a fall. Wait. Give it time. And most importantly, don't give up. Listen to the other person, speak AFTER they're done, and accept feedback. Remember, if you mess up here by not listening enough, you'll spoil the relationship forever and perhaps irreparably. Oh, and one more topic of discussion is about how much space need to be given to your partner. And experience tells me that it depends on the person. try to understand how much space he/she needs to function normally. If she gets cocky and irritated, that's too little. Depressed and sad mean you've given her too much and she's feeling left out. When you see these signs, adjust yourself to give her just the right amount of breathing space.
Most people like to not be asked about every single thing they do and don't really appreciate it when you're too possessive or clingy. If your partner is like this too, try to understand and channelize your conversations towards more common things, so that you don't choke them for room. Some, though, will be super-aggressive and will want you to ask them about everything they do, and will openly tell you every single thing. They give you their Facebook passwords, let you go through their messages and actually get happy when you snoop on them. If you are one of the very few lucky people with a partner like this, rejoice! But also, be scared (because they'll most likely do it to you too).
About your exes (if any), you need to discuss the course of action about this, because it's a pretty sensitive issue and needs to be handled with extreme caution and lots of love. It's always nice to not say anything hurtful about their exes, because, you must remember, your partner most likely still has a lot of very happy memories with them (and in some rare cases, still has feelings for them). The golden rule is: discuss it.
With time, you will find that a lot of the mistakes of your past will come back to haunt you. And this is step four: sort them out. The longer you let them linger around, the most vicious they become when they do attack you. And, trust me, these things can tear your life apart and cause you unimaginable suffering and pain. So, deal with them when they pop their heads out. If there's any other weird shit waiting to unfold, express them whenever you feel appropriate. And please guys, be honest about your affairs, if any. It's marginally better for your partner to hear about it from you than it is for her to catch you red-handed or hear about it from someone else. People with issues with narcotics: get off that shit. It will be the death of your relationship, sooner or later.
THINGS TO BEAR IN MIND WHILE IN A RELATIONSHIP a.k.a Tips and Hints:
0. Be completely honest. This is the foremost thing to be taken care of if you want a happy relationship, and cannot be ignored
1. Treat her like she's the queen of everything.
2. Never forget 1.
3. Whenever you can, buy her things with money you saved up.
4. Make her something all by yourself now and then.
5. You say you're no Shakespeare but it doesn't matter. She doesn't want one when you write her a letter or a simple poem expressing your love for her.
6. Even if you're no Leonardo da Vinci, draw her a portrait, a caricature, a sketch, a drawing.. something to show you made an effort to impress her (extra points for combining it with 5.)
7. Never EVER let her down. Try your best to live up to her (often outlandish) expectations.
8. Express your love for her, please.
9. NO VIOLENCE. EVER. Treat her very gently, but not too much.
10. Be patient with her when she's shopping, or having some girl time, or just applying makeup.
11. Smile as much as possible, it doesn't hurt anyone.
12. Do tiny gay, mushy things now and then, it helps, trust me.
12. No matter what happens, remember that breaking up should be the last option on your mind. You keep tugging at a rope, it will snap. Don't keep breaking up for every cough and sneeze.
Armed with this knowledge, I hope you'll know what you're doing wrong, and how to fix it (if you're here because of some trouble in your relationship). If you're here to prepare yourself for when you have one.. that's just sad. For the rest of you guys, I don't need to tell you anything in the first place.
This post is dedicated to my beautiful Rachu, without whose presence in my life I wouldn't have known happiness. I love you, baby!
So much for now.
Ciao!
No comments:
Post a Comment